Hi. I’m Riker. I am a very good boy and—more importantly—a professional chair strategist.
Every home needs a Primary Window Chair. This is not regular furniture. This is Mission Control. From here I can:
- Monitor the neighborhood perimeter. Squirrels, mail carriers, and suspicious leaves are all logged and reported with appropriate boofs.
- Run sunlight optimization. The chair must catch the moving sunbeam between 10:13 and 2:47. If the sunbeam misses the seat, I cannot be held responsible for napping on the rug.
- Provide morale support. Human types work better when a dog supervises from a comfy chair. I make encouraging eye contact. Sometimes I sigh dramatically.
- Execute rapid response. If you open a snack, I can deploy to the kitchen in under three seconds. The window chair offers excellent launch geometry.
Chair Placement Specifications
- Distance to window: One nose boop away. I must be able to rest my chin on the sill for tactical sniffing.
- Backrest height: Supports full loaf mode while keeping shoulders squared for guard-dog optics.
- Fabric: Accepts dog glitter (my fur) with dignity.
- Foot traffic: Near the humans. A chair without pats is just… a chair.
When these standards are met, productivity rises, naps deepen, and the realm remains safe from rogue chipmunks. Place your chair wisely, humans. I’ll be right here, ears up, tail thump, doing the important work.
— Riker 🐾
